2017: Engage

Well friends, here we are – almost. 2017.

As I’ve gotten older, I’ve really come to enjoy this time of year, where people are thinking and planning and dreaming of a new year and what it will bring. Last year, I wrote about how rough 2015 was for my family and about seven reasons why 2016 would be better. And 2016 did turn out to be great for us, though not for the country as a whole. I’m curious about what’s next.

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image via pixabay.com

At the end of 2015, I chose a single word that embodied all of the goals and aspirations I had for the upcoming year, how I hoped to be in the new year. I stole this idea from someone else, and I think it’s a great way to focus one’s new year’s goal-setting. My word for 2016 was joy.

My 2017 word of the year is…engage. As I think about my goals (I hate the word resolutions) for the new year, all of them have to do with being present, involved, engaged in my life and the broader world. I feel like many of these are introvert’s goals, the tension between being engaged in external activities and staying in our comfort zone always being a bit real for us. I often feel a tension in my life between action and inaction, in ways big and small: between reading on the couch versus taking the dogs for a walk, between planning to go to a women’s event at church and then backing out at the last minute, etc. This year, I hope to choose action more often than not.

So engage it is. Here are my goals for the new year:

  1. I will make time for writing, even when life is busy.
  2. I will get involved with our new church (will write more about this soon) and make some friends.
  3. I will live a healthier lifestyle. (Obligatory weight loss #newyearnewme goal. But for real, though!)
  4. I will donate more money than I did in 2016, to church and to causes benefiting human rights, children, animals and the environment.
  5. I will take the initiative to make plans with new friends. This is hard.
  6. I will stay informed about what is happening in this country, and I will make sure others are, too. This relates to the upcoming Trump presidency. In 2016, my writing enabled me to make a few people aware of how Trump’s victory was being experienced by those most vulnerable to his upcoming presidency. I will make sure that these people, and others, keep paying attention.

 

What are your goals for 2017? And what’s your word of the year?

6 Resolutions for Life in a New City

Yes! You read that right. In less than a month, we are moving from this…

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to this.

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10 points if someone can tell me what this picture makes them think of…

Pretty much my whole side of the family–parents, siblings, grandmother and now aunt–lives in Atlanta. My parents have been trying to convince us to move there for pretty much the whole time we’ve been married, and we’re finally doing it! Even though we could have moved before now, many factors are now converging to make this the right time. We’re going to be moving in to my grandmother’s house two doors down from my parents, while Grandmommy will be joining the crowd over at my parents’ house. My mom is going to watch Jonah full time. Financially this move is a no-brainer.

I’ve moved a lot in my life–if my count is correct this is number 14! But this one feels different. As far as we’re concerned, this is it: home forever. Atlanta is big enough, diverse enough and with enough opportunities and resources that we see no reason to ever move again.

So I’ve been thinking about goals I have for my life in the new, big city that will most likely be our permanent home. Here are six things I will and won’t do in our new town.

  1. I will be intentional about finding friends sooner rather than later. I wasn’t so great about this in Greensboro. With work + family + pups + miscellaneous responsibilities, my life is pretty full already, but I still need friends–not just long distance, but in person. Spending time with friends is good for me. It’s part of taking care of myself. 
  2. I will invest in activities that I enjoy. I’ll be okay with spending a little bit of money to do fun things, both with my family and by myself. (Like yoga! I’ve got to get back to it!)
  3. Jonathan and I will have a regular date night. Since money will be a little looser and there will be a multitude of potential babysitters around, this will actually happen on a regular basis.
  4. I will walk the dogs every day–and I’ll make Jonathan help me! Our yard is going to be much smaller so this won’t really be optional, plus it’ll be a good way to make sure I get daily exercise.
  5. I will not let work consume my life. It took me a while to find this balance in Greensboro, and now that I’m contemplating teaching again (easiest job to find from a distance) I need to make sure that I maintain that balance.
  6. I will not spend more than 20 minutes commuting to and from work. This is important as everyone knows Atlanta’s traffic is legendary. I’ll be miserable if I’m spending my whole day in the car.

(In case anyone is wondering about our plans to become foster parents, that is on hold for now due to the move. It is something we still want to do in the future).

Other people who have moved to a new city/state recently…any goals/ideas/positive changes for post-move?

Why I Would Rather Be 28 than 18

Jonathan and I will have been together for 10 years this November. 10 years! That is over a third of my life. I’ve been thinking a lot recently about how I have changed over the last 10 years, and I think I’ve changed quite a bit, in mainly good ways. Holly Love at 28 is a different person than Holly Gushee was at 18.

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Check out these babies! I was 19 here, but close enough.

People talk a lot about “the best years of your life,” as in, “enjoy college, those are the best years of your life.” I find statements like this problematic. If certain years really are the best of your life, what about the rest of your life? Is it just all downhill from there?

I like to take a different approach. Common sense says to me that there are good and not-so-good parts of each different life stage, and that we should appreciate the best parts of the stage that we are in. And I’ve realized the best parts of my current stage are pretty awesome. Adulting has some good things about it, amirite? Here’s what I’m enjoying about being an “older” young adult:

  1. I’m not afraid to ask for what I need.

If I want something–at home, at work, etc.–I’ve learned that it’s okay to say so. It’s fine to say at work that I have too much going on and that I can’t take on another project. It’s fine to tell Jonathan that for my mental and physical health I want to make going to yoga a priority, and that we should be able to spare the money for me to do it. If I need something, I’ve learned to verbalize it and to advocate for it. It sounds so simple, but this isn’t something that I did much as a “younger” young adult, and this is something I’ve also noticed in the younger people that I work with. It’s so much more effective to directly say what you need than to hint around it, keep it to yourself and then get upset when you don’t get it.

2. I appreciate my body more for what it can do than for how it looks.

Having a child has fundamentally changed the way I feel about my body, for the better. Carrying, giving birth to and nurturing Jonah with my own body has helped me appreciate my body for the amazing things that it can do, and has helped me to cut myself a little slack for my body’s imperfections. Case in point: I am currently trying to lose about 8-10 pounds. Four years ago, I would have been pretty obsessed about this and upset that I was having a hard time fitting into my size 4 jeans. Now, it’s something that I’m working on, but it’s nowhere near my main concern.

3. I know the true value of money and material blessings.

Nothing will teach you the true value of money than going through a time in your life where you don’t have much of it. I had a very blessed childhood and young adulthood. This past year money was kind of tight for Jonathan and me, and it’s increased my feelings of thankfulness for what we have.

4. Some of my ideals have died. 

I planned to be a teacher forever. I wanted to change the world. But I’ve learned that my family and my mental health are more important. I don’t have to be involved in direct service to make a difference in the world.

5. I’ve learned that not everyone is just like me.

This is a big one. The first step to empathy is realizing that many, many people have a difference experience of life than you do. Since being out in the world, I have been exposed to many different kinds of people, and I’ve realized 1) my privilege and 2) that not everyone experiences life in exactly the same way as an upper middle-class Southern Christian white girl. Once you really get a glimpse of what life is like for others, it is much easier to love, and much harder to judge. (Many politicians need to learn this! *cough* *Donald Trump* *cough*)

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Present-day Holly, Jonathan and Jonah

What have you learned as you have gotten older? How has growing older changed you for the better?

7 reasons 2016 will be better than 2015

Thank the Lord 2015 is over. For realz, I have never been so happy to see New Year’s Eve. 2015 was very, very tough for Jonathan and me. A new baby and unemployment simultaneously will do that to you.

BUT! 2015 is over! Hooray! Here are 7 reasons I have decided that 2016, and since it’s about to be my birthday, my 28th year, will be better, in the arenas of marriage, work, family and my personal life.

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  1. I will do my part to argue productively. 

Hubs and I got into some bad patterns this past year that we’re working hard to break. We fought more than ever before, and not usually productively. We pushed and pulled and raged and drove each other crazy. But we got through it and now I think we’re on the other side.

2.  I will choose joy.

Joy is my word of the year. In 2016 I’ll do my best to look for the good in all situations, and respond from a place of joy rather than worry, anger or bitterness.

    3.   I will advocate for myself and my ideas.

One thing I love about my new job is that I’m getting the opportunity to lead for the first time. When I was teaching I always felt that I knew less and was less experienced than everyone around me, so I stayed pretty quiet and didn’t speak out much. I was a leader in my classroom but not with other adults. In my new position, I get to be the expert, and I’ve gained a lot of confidence. In 2016 I will continue to believe in my own ideas.

Along the lines of advocating for myself, I also need to make more money in 2016. Money isn’t everything, but it is something.

   4.  When I am with Jonah, I will be 100% present.

I will be the master of my phone rather than the other way around.

   5.  My family will be in church every Sunday and community group most weeks.

When things get difficult, church activities can be one of the first things to go. Barring sickness or being out of town, we’ll be there every week.

   6.  I will make/keep my home a beautiful, functional, restful place.

I’ve realized that I feel amazingly better when I can come home and like what I see around me.

 7.  I will read more. I will write more.

The Grapes of Wrath, among other books. I’m on a Steinbeck kick!

I’m really looking forward to this year. What are your goals/resolutions for 2016?